Life As An Engaged Girl

I am giving in. Friday mornings are usually my get-stuff-done time since I don't have to work. The time usually gets filled with studying, errands, little to-do things Ricky may have asked me to work on, cleaning my messy room, or doing wedding stuff. This morning though, instead of focusing on the mile-long to-do list, I am taking the next fifteen minute slot in my schedule to type. There, now that the decision is made I can feel like I am accomplishing something instead of feeling guilty for ignoring ten other somethings. *Relaxing sigh*

Minutes, hours, days.  They are filled with trying to cram in much too much too much.

Trying to understand what is priority and what is not worth the stress.

Planning. Writing to-do lists.

Changing my mind. Writing new to-do lists
.
Filling up the remainder of my days as a Miss in preparation to be a Mrs.

Wondering how we are going to get it all done in time.

Studying our premarital counseling assignments. Discussing. Writing. Laughing.

Realizing nothing will be perfect. Not even my perfect man or the "perfect" girl he is marrying.

Striving for perfection anyway.

Praying. Lots of praying.

Making time for just the two of us. At least fifteen minutes of no stressful topics allowed!

Cherishing time with my family.

Laughing. Lots of laughing.

Holding on to the moments while counting down the days.

22 Days Ago

The world became sparkly-er!

May 1st, 2010

Bless the Lord Oh my soul!

Psalm 103:1

Here I Raise My Ebenezer

Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying "Thus far the Lord has helped us". 1st Samuel 7:12

This afternoon I began a study of the lives of Samuel and Saul with my church's women's Bible study. We are using this book:

And I am really excited! Mostly because I know it will provide me accountability for digging deeply into the Word.

One of the verses we went over today was 1st Samuel 7:12. The Lord had just won a great triumph for Israel; He had "thundered with a great thunder" and routed the Philistines before Israel. Samuel set up a stone and called it Ebenezer - "stone of help". It was erected as a memorial to Israel and to her enemies of what the Lord had done there.

Here I raise my Ebenezer; Hither by Thy help I've come.

During our discussion time we discussed what some of our personal "ebenezers" are. What are the reminders of God's graciousness and accomplishments in our lives?

One of mine is my journals. Mom gave me my first journal as a birthday gift when I was nine. At the time, I *knew* I was going to be famous someday, so I began my journal for the purpose of providing my biographers with some record of my childhood. Hence, (I love that word!) the plethora (love that one too!) of flowery language and minute details contained in that journal.

Somewhere around my early-mid teens, I decided I was embarrassed by the *childishness* that my....ummm...*childhood* journal displayed (not to mention the bad grammar, horrors!) and proclaimed I wanted it to be buried with me, unread by any other eyes.

From that point, I journaled mainly to allow myself to think on paper. Writing is one of the ways I think through what I am learning. It is also an emotional outlet and I tend to write the most when I am very excited or very upset. I imagine if anyone were to read my journals (an event that I still want to avoid...biographers will just have to find other sources) they would think I am rather unstable! But because I do write mostly in the extremes of my emotions, my journals contain a lot of the major (major to me anyway) happenings of the last 12 years of my life. (Wow, am I really that old?) Even though I have never been very regular in my journaling, my little row of pretty notebooks chronicles many instances of God's grace and blessings to me. In this way, they are my ebenezers.

My other ebenezer is a little pearl necklace I received when I was about 16-ish. My grandpa always sends his grandaughters some money around Christmas and birthdays to buy themselves something pretty.

On this occasion, I had been wanting a pearl necklace. Pink, to be exact. And not any of those big huge ones that old ladies wear, I wanted young-looking pearls. I knew that I wasn't going to be getting it though since the price tag for pearls was more than what I had to spend. I didn't tell anyone what it was I really wanted and I didn't feel sorry for myself about not getting it either. It was just a fancy that had flown into my head and I pushed it out since it was impossible.

A week or so later, I was out and about with my mom and sisters at a craft exhibit. They had a door prize and I heard my number hollered over the loudspeaker. As I walked to the front table to get my prize, I started walking faster. "Maybe...."

The lady handed me a white, rectangle box and inside was a delicate pink pearl necklace.

I knew exactly who the Giver was because only one Person knew that I had wanted that necklace. It was a totally unnecessary blessing and I was humbled and amazed that my Lord chose to care about such a little thing. Each time I wear my pearls I am reminded that I serve a God who cares about little things and He blesses abundantly beyond what I can ask or think.

What are your ebenezers?

Been Spring Cleanin'

I have been trying to organize my bedroom the last couple evenings, a process similar to sticking an over-sized circle into a square and trying to push the edges of the circle out so that they fill all four corners of the square. In the midst of going through clothes (of which I have too many) and trying to figure out where to put all my books, (of which I never have enough) and wishing I had wall space for another bookshelf, I decided it was time to pack up some of the ballet stuff that is still all over my room. Since dance was my all-consuming passion for almost ten years straight, I collected quite a lot of paraphernalia and needed to begin the task of sorting through it all and figuring out what is sentimental enough to keep, what can be sold, and what needs to be tossed.

So, a pile of dance skirts is headed to an ebay sell, my old dance bag is headed to the trash can along with about six pairs of dance shoes, and my costumes are in my little sisters' dressup trunk. I also gathered up a small box of keepsakes to pack away. It included one of my skirts, a few little gifts from students, pictures, accessories, recital programs, and my favorite pair of pointe shoes.

My room feels so much less cluttered now. And it only took 11 months of being done teaching for me to get around to sorting it all. After years of having my bedroom decorated in dance things, I am welcoming the change and the additional storage space!

In Acceptance Lieth Peace

You are a hiding place for me;
You preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with shouts of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.

Psalm 32:7-9

I want to win!

There is a book give-away going on over at www.jcrylequotes.com. I found out about it via Matt (http://justanotherwretch.blogspot.com/) and in a shameless effort to win, I am now posting about it here. Go take a look!

Grace to Glory

This week is the Shepherd's conference in Sun Valley, California. My dad and boyfriend are there participating in person and I have been listening to some of the sessions via live stream here: http://www.shepherdsfellowship.org/sc/. (All of the sessions will also be available for downloading after the conference.) Each general session has included a time of worship and this morning they sang this beautiful hymn. I wanted to share the words here since I couldn't find a decent arrangement on youtube. It is long but the words are so rich, especially in the last stanza.

"Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken"

by Henry Francis Lyte, 1793-1847

Jesus, I my cross have taken,

All to leave and follow Thee;

Destitute, despised, forsaken,

Thou from hence my All shalt be.

Perish every fond ambition,

All I've sought or hoped or known;

Yet how rich is my condition!

God and heaven are still my own.

Let the world despise and leave me,

They have left my Savior, too.

Human hearts and looks deceive me;

Thou art not, like them, untrue.

And while Thou shalt smile upon me,

God of wisdom, love, and might,

Foes may hate and friends may shun me;

Show Thy face, and all is bright.

Go, then, earthly fame and treasure!

Come, disaster, scorn, and pain!

In Thy service, pain is pleasure;

With Thy favor, loss is gain.

I have called Thee Abba, Father!

I have stayed my heart on Thee.

Storms may howl, and clouds may gather,

All must work for good to me.

Man may trouble and distress me,

'Twill but drive me to Thy breast;

Life with trials hard may press me,

Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.

Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me

While Thy love is left to me;

Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me

Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Take, my soul, thy full salvation;

Rise o'er sin and fear and care;

Joy to find in every station,

Something still to do or bear.

Think what Spirit dwells within thee,

What a Father's smile is thine,

What a Savior died to win thee;

Child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?

Haste, then, on from grace to glory,

Armed by faith and winged by prayer;

Heaven's eternal day's before thee,

God's own hand shall guide thee there.

Soon shall close the earthly mission,

Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,

Hope soon change to glad fruition,

Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.